Dating, Relationships

How Does One Online Date?

I reactivated my OkCupid profile 48 hours ago. It seemed like a good idea at the time, like most things do before the repercussions kick in. That 5th glass of wine? Definitely a good idea at the time! Hangover Schmangover. I’m new in town and am a red-blooded human being after all so I went for it, throwing caution to the wind! Except that I’m safe behind a computer monitor or iPhone screen for most of it so caution is not the primary concern. Anyway, I went through all the motions: change my city of residence, add some current photos, update my profile enough so that I don’t sound like a rambling freak, the usual.

And then I was reminded of all the reasons I can’t do online dating.

First and foremost, I’m sarcastic. I don’t know if you all have picked up on that. Sarcasm does not come through well via online dating profile. It comes off as either pretentious, or flat-out idiotic. I am neither of those things so I’m already at a disadvantage.

Secondly, I prefer meeting people in person. I don’t think you can get a real read on anyone online. Body language, tone of voice, whether they can make eye contact through a conversation, all of these are very important indications of compatibility. I also think a guy earns points for coming up to you and starting a conversation in person. There can be actual rejection in person. With online dating there is nothing to lose by messaging someone. And no one typically  responds with “sorry not interested,” they just don’t respond at all. I want to reiterate the safety of being behind a computer monitor. I respect a man more when he can get my attention in person.

Last, but certainly not least, online dating has more creepers than I’d like to see. They say the strangest things, and try to make jokes that make no sense. Or judge you solely on your pictures. Let me share just a few of the gems I’ve gotten in the past 2 days.

  • “You’re a certified hottie” Yup, that’s what the message said. At least he used the right version of “you’re”.
  • “Hey Girl!” Please do not ever start a message with this. Ever.
  • “I just gave you all 5 stars. I just wish there were more stars to give you.” Thanks? I’m not here for a rating.
  • “Uh Oh” That’s all it said. I don’t even know what that means.
  • “I told you it’s over! Stop talking to me!” Uhh do I know you?

I know a lot of people have found their significant others online. Many of my best friends did. I don’t think it’s my thing, though. Or I don’t understand how to do it. The latter is certainly possible. If anyone knows how to online date, please, please share your secrets. Until then, I’m going to resort to meeting men the old-fashioned way, at a bar.


About Shikole

I just moved to Austin, TX after living in the DC metro area for 6 years. I love wine, writing, exploring and fun. When all of those things can happen simultaneously, I'm a happy camper.


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