Shikole and I have written articles about relationships before on this blog, but they’ve always been in a non personal sense. We’ve given you tips for date nights, ideas on how to meet guys once out of college, and some insight into why relationships are different after graduation. But what about our OWN experiences? Shikole shares some of hers in the previous article, and here are some of mine.
I am not jaded when it comes to relationships. Aside from one or two complete jerks, my romantic life has consisted of a few guys that actually cared about me. I feel very lucky for this fact, but it was never an easy road to find someone I was compatible with. I don’t date just for the fun of it, believe me, I’ve tried. If I don’t want to be with a guy romantically 100%, then we are just friends. I’ve found (for me) that there is no use in dating and complicating things unless I really want to pursue a strong connection.
I am currently in a relationship that has lasted for almost one year, and it’s definitely my most mature relationship so far. We started dating when I was still in college. He had just graduated and was working a job that made it so easy for us to spend time together… then I graduated and got a job.
All of a sudden, those random weekday visits were non existent. He was working nights and weekends, I was working days. I kept telling myself that things would change soon and become easier. But due to a long change of career plans, they haven’t, and now he is preparing to leave for a two month long internship opportunity.
Do you want to know honestly what my first thoughts were about this change of plans? I thought first about myself. I thought, “he is going to miss our one year anniversary, my birthday, my moving day!!” In my mind, I was furious. I moved to Rochester partly because I wanted to further my relationship with him, and here he was leaving me. After months of being in a relationship with schedules that only overlap once in a while, and hoping that things would get better soon, he is now going to leave for months, and is showing no remorse at all.
After brooding for a while, I stepped back a little bit and thought about things. The situation he put himself in wasn’t about me at all, yet most of my concerns began with the word “my” or “me”. It was about him, and furthering his career goals. This is the time in our lives when we need to do things like this for ourselves…before we have family and children and mortgages. Instead of being bitter about the “me” related things we’ll miss, I just have to keep moving ahead.
I’ve come to the conclusion that my relationship is not going to become simpler. In the post grad world, relationships just aren’t easy. Much like friendships, they require consistent mutual effort and support, or else they crumble.
My boyfriend and I are still trying. We have a lot of fun together, and genuinely enjoy being with each other. The thought of ending things over a career tears me up inside. Although we’ve hit a few bumps along the way, I know we’ll continue to try and make things work.
I’m tired of sugarcoating things on this website about my fantasy post grad love life. I’m sick of giving bulleted lists of relationship advice. Our blog is called The Real Post Grad after all.
I’ve only got one tip for you in this post. If you value your post grad relationship, but things aren’t easy, sometimes you just have to suck it up. Keep moving forward, keep being there for each other as much as possible, and keep looking towards the future. In one way or another, things will work themselves out.
So readers, welcome to my real post grad relationship.