Have you ever seen a shadow and automatically thought that it was of something scary? Your mind is convinced that there is a murderer outside your window. It’s hovering right out of your sight. You can see that it’s holding something sharp. And then there is a noise. In any other situation you would think nothing of the completely natural sound outside, but because your mind is already in a place of fear it associates the scraping with the imaginary murderer that is plotting a way to get in and harm you. Your heart is beating faster. Your blood pressure rises. All your senses are on high alert.
You walk outside with a flashlight and a bat yelling at the shadow that it better run away or you’re going to hurt it. Then you see the tree branch that has always been there. You were just seeing it from a different point of view.
The same principle can apply to a relationship.
Think about it. When you are in a relationship you see it in one way, usually positively or you wouldn’t be in it. And then when it’s over and you look back on it, you realize it wasn’t how you thought it was at all. The shadow you were seeing was just that, a shadow. You were seeing your mind’s interpretation of the real thing.
(Note: I had every intention of making the comparison to that of The Cave in Plato’s Republic but decided I would spare you all my love of philosophy.)
Having said that, I am a Post Grad and single. While I am not adamantly against dating, I also would like to keep the shadows out of my now drama-less life.
My opinion of romantic entanglements is jaded to say the least. I expect the worst in men because I’ve seen the worst. I will give a new guy a chance, but only until I’m bored or find a fatal flaw in his personality that I deem a deal breaker.
Doesn’t like sports; deal breaker.
Pretentious; deal breaker.
Can’t hold down a job; deal breaker.
Doesn’t have his own place; deal breaker.
Some people tell me that I’m just looking for an excuse to stop seeing someone. This may be true. But if I’m not feeling it, I’m not putting in more effort.
This principle makes it necessary to meet new men in order to have any chance of finding someone I actually like. This would be easy enough, however work always prevents me from making happy hour. And alcohol itself makes those shadows I’m avoiding more prominent. Both things complicate my quest even further.
And so goes the tale of my life being a Post Grad and single.