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First Comes Love…

By Allison Sass

There’s no questioning that breakups are hard for everyone involved. The end of a relationship signals the end of a chapter in your life and suddenly all you can remember are the good times you spent with the person.

Eventually you do move on, and find that you are happier without the relationship. You can look back on the fun times and remember them without gut wrenching pain.

That is, until you find out that your ex has found someone new. The pangs of distress start to rush back, but you suffocate them- telling yourself that you wish only happiness on your old flame.

Then you find out that your ex is getting married.  In the post grad world, marriage all of a sudden becomes very real.

My first, long-term boyfriend and I dated for 3+ years, calling it off in college because of distance and the fact that what we wanted out of life was just so different. Imagine my surprise that less than a year after our breakup he was engaged, and 6 months later, married. In the world of Facebook and blogging, nothing is kept private. I watched it all unravel so publicly online, and was in complete shock.

I remember that the day he was married was the day I moved into my first apartment before my senior year at SUNY Geneseo. It seemed appropriate, since my focus on academics and my future, and his focus on settling down quickly was ultimately what drove us apart. That doesn’t mean I didn’t shed a few tears.

As much as I hate to admit it, you will likely find yourselves in a similar predicament at one point in the coming years post grads. Maybe not in the next year or so, but mid to late 20’s are prime marriage years. Here’s a few tips on how to deal:

– Don’t go to the wedding! If you and your ex are civil, you might find a wedding invitation turn up in your mailbox. Think about how your stomach feels as you open. If you are calm and purely happy for the couple, then attend. If your stomach does somersaults and you immediately toss the invitation across the room- think twice ( a nice congratulations card will do).

-Stay out of it. What hurt the most to me was that my ex’s wedding was plastered across social media websites. Even if I wasn’t looking for it, it somehow sprang across my computer screen. However, this does not give you the right to ask your mutual Facebook friends about wedding details, or comment on anything about the wedding. Take the high road, post grads!

Allow them to do the contacting. Do not send them emails after the wedding “catching up”, when really you are “checking up” on their new lives. Even if you casually email prior to the wedding, allow them to make the first move in contacting you after things are official.

-Stay positive. Whether you are with someone great and the whole wedding business has just got you nostalgic, or you are alone and bitter that your ex is not, don’t worry, your time will come. Just think you’ve got all sorts of fun weddings to look forward to! Family members, friends, and someday, if you so desire, your own.

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